Death is inevitable, it’s something that will affect us at some point in our lives and will eventually catch up to us.
However, when we think about our family, our loved ones, we just don’t imagine that they could die, even though we know that will happen eventually.
Nothing prepared me for the loss of my father at eighteen years old, he was my best friend and my rock, I suppose I was a proper daddy’s girl, I loved him so much. He always came across so intelligent, witty and put together, it seemed he had grasped life in his hands and moulded it so that he could achieve all his dreams; he was my idol.
I never thought he was suffering, at least not more than I guess we do as adults. I had no idea that he was struggling to make it through each day and that he had got to the point that he felt like there was no reason for him to be on this earth anymore. So, when I woke up one day and he was missing, I was enveloped by shock. And yet, when he was found as a suicide victim, that is kind of what I expected but it still didn’t stop me from feeling like I had died too.
There is no easy way to live after your closest loved one’s pass, it’s hard to adjust and to understand. Life becomes extremely hard and even simple tasks can send you into a panic or a breakdown. I know that I was in such pain and shock that I had to self-medicate and at one point, I was so desperate to be reunited with my daddy that I tried to take my own life, I just wanted to see him, hear his voice and never let him go again.
But it’s been four years now and I am still here, though, at least three of those years I have been on a rollercoaster of a journey which I suppose you could call grief. I’ve been through so many ups and downs that it’s amazing that I am where I am now. Somehow, in the midst of my life crumbling I found a passion, purpose and I now have a life that I can surely be proud of.
There is no wrong or right way to grieve, there is no quick fix or cure, you need to allow yourself to feel the pain and to grow with it. But I do want to say that you do not need to die with your loved ones, you still deserve to have your hopes, dreams and happiness; fight for them and they will come.